Stay Signed In
Do you want to access your site more quickly on this computer? Check this box, and your username and password will be remembered for two weeks. Click logout to turn this off.
Stay Safe
Do not check this box if you are using a public computer. You don't want anyone seeing your personal info or messing with your site.
Eres sum funny jokes to keep yas goin thru me site i feel as thou ya need cheerin up!!
A girl goes to the council to register for child benefit.
"How many children?" asks the council worker. "10" replies the girl. "10?" says the council worker, "What are their names?". "Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne". "Doesn't that get confusing?". "Nah..." says the girl "its great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout WAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY or WAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it". "What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker. "That's easy," says the girl, "I just use their surnames
if id be a farmer my name would be bob am widely renowned 4 the size of me nob,its 2 big 4 women just makes em weep but its just the right size 4 me cow n me sheep.
A girl waz grantted 2 wishes she asked 4 bigger tits they instently grew 2 a a double d.Then she a 4 a really tight cunt and waz told 2 ring u
the sad life of a penis:i've only got 1 eye , my hair is a mess,my relitaves r nuts, my neighbours r arseholes, my best m8es a cunt an my owner is a wanker (lmao)
2 women waz on there way ome from a nite out they stop in a grave yard 4 a piss, 1 wipes ere fanny wit ere nickers n the other wit a wreath,the 2 husbands the next day waz in the pub 1st man goes i better watch my wife she cum home wit no nickers on last nite the 2nd man goes dats fuck all my wife had a card wedged in ere ass sayin we'll never 4 get u from all the fire startion.
What's the difference between Batman and a Scouser?
A.Batman can go anywhere without Robin.
Q: Why did the Iraqi chicken cross the road?
A: To take over the other side.
Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"
Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!"
"Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!", says another, flicking his tail.
At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!"
The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."
"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.
“Mother, where do babies come from?”
The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.”
The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.
“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”
“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”
(ders more ppl)
The Perfect Day - Her
8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses
9:00 5 lbs lighter on the scale
9:30 Light Breakfast
11:00 Sunbathe
12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
1:45 Shopping
2:30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's ex and notice she's gained 30 lbs
3:00 Facial, massage, nap
7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing
10:00 Make love
11:30 Pillow talk in his big strong arms
The Perfect Day - Him
6:45 Alarm.
7:00 Shower and massage.
7:30 Blowjob.
7:45 Massive dump while reading The mirror sports section.
8:15 Limo arrives, Stoli Bloody Marys.
8:30 Butler Aviation, O'Hare Field, Lear Jet to Augusta, Georgia.
9:30 Front nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club.
11:30 Lunch - 2 dozen oysters, 3 Heinekens.
12:30 Blowjob.
12:45 Back nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club.
2:30 Limo to Augusta Airport, Bombay Sapphire Martini.
3:30 Nassau, Bahamas, Afternoon fishing with all female crew (topless). Sex for each fish caught. Catch 1249 lb. Blue Marlin. Grilled tuna and steamed lobster appetizers, six Heinekens, nap.
6:15 Blowjob.
6:30 Lear Jet return flight, total body massage in transit.
7:30 Shit, shower, shave.
8:00 Watch CNN Live coverage of Bill Clinton's resignation. Hillary and Al Gore are indicted in the same scandal (which involves graphic pictures and large farm animals).
9:00 Dinner at Ritz Carlton, Oysters Casino, 20 oz. Filet mignons (rare), Gorgonzola salad, Fettucini Alfredo, Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1963 (magnum) creme brute, Louis XII Cognac, Cohiba Lancero
10:30 Sex with 3 women, all from different countries
11:30 Whirlpool, steam and massage. Women quietly get dressed, hail cab and leave. Midnight Blowjob. Sleep
little boy : mummy is god a girl or a boy?
mummy: why god is both girl and boy
little boy: mummy is god black or white?
mummy: why god is both black and white
little boy: mummy is god gay or strait?
mummy: why god is both gay and strait
little boy: mummy is god Michael Jackson?
if u have any jokes you wood like to put on me webby plz let me know either on da guest book (put em on da) or add me msn !!! dazwaf@hotmail.com nice 1 :P
GO OME!
